Romance in the modern age has become dependent on dating apps. There’s your classic Tinder, Hinge, Feeld if you’re looking for something a little more open, and Bumble if you’re looking for women to make the first move — though that novelty is long gone.
Apparently, more than a third of Gen Z Aussies have used dating apps, and ANU research found that, between 20 and 40 per cent of relationships started on the apps, which, let’s be honest, is a better success rate than anyone would have expected. Unfortunately, research has also found that relationships that kick off thanks to a swipe often experience a lower intensity of love. Ouch.
And despite the hopeless romantics or horny individuals who may be using dating apps in good faith, for a number of us the process can boil down to four little words: “I hate it here.”
So why are we all committing to the bit if we really are just after a little chemistry? I couldn’t help but wonder (read in a Carrie Bradshaw voice): are dating apps doing us dirty?
To get a sense of the attitudes towards the apps — from those actually using them — I embarked on an investigation. What do people on the apps think our screens are doing to romance?
.jpg)
Casting the virtual net far and wide (you would not believe my age range and radius), I created a profile and waited for the results to roll in. Let me tell you, if you ever want to give your profile a boost, tell them you’re writing an article.
The pulse of Australian culture, since 2005.
Sign up for your daily dose.
By providing your information, you agree to our Terms of Use and our Privacy Policy. We use vendors that may also process your information to help provide our services.
%20(3).jpg)
“The apps are a lot like social media,” one Hinge user wrote, “In the sense that I can get absorbed just looking at how others present themselves on the internet and forget why I’m there.”
The overwhelming sentiment was that people weren’t being intentional with their dating. “I think it possibly makes dating too disposable,” one response read. Another even went so far as to say, “I wish phones were banned.”
Of the 25 strangers who sent through their thoughts on the topic, 22 of them felt negatively about the apps we were communicating on.
How widespread is this, though? Could I have just found a group of uniquely cynical singles?
If you ask Crush Club creator Izzy Burns — whose Melbourne speed-dating events are drawing in droves of desperate singles — dating apps are the issue.
“I think that dating apps have soured romance and genuine connection,” she told PEDESTRIAN.TV. “They give people the illusion of having endless options, resulting in a bunch of noncommittal, low-effort users.”
When it comes to the general sentiment of the singles walking through her doors, whose ages range from 18 to 40, she’s noted a complete shift away from the apps. “Most people are either bored of them and looking to try something new, or completely fed up and have deleted or paused their profiles,” she explained.
“Even outside of the events, I rarely have conversations with people who enjoy using the apps.”
The need for connection away from screens seems to have spread to the business side of intimacy. It’s even been a driving force behind Love Honey’s Down & Dirty campaign. For every per cent of screen time you cut while away with your partner, you get that percentage knocked off the price of your stay at an Into The Wild cabin.
But how have we gotten to this point, where we have to encourage presence with one another?
%20(1).jpg)
According to sexologist Christina Rafe, while we’ve gained access to singles in our area, we’ve lost the art of interacting with them.
“Dating apps aren’t inherently the problem,” she told P.TV. “But when we start seeing people as disposable, we lose the humanness that is required to encourage curiosity and build meaningful relationships.”
According to Rafe, the apps’ constant cycling of new dating options “creates the illusion of endless choice”, where they’ll find “either your perfect match, or just one swipe away from the ‘perfect’ one.”
She maintains, however, that there is both a yearning and opportunity for those app-trapped baddies to regain a little intimacy.
“After years of situationships, mixed signals and game-playing, people are increasingly drawn to folks who are upfront about their feelings and intentions,” she explained, pointing to pop-culture relationships such as Off Campus’ Hannah and Garrett as indicators of what people are actually looking for. Or, as she puts it, the “emotion smut” we’re consuming to compensate for the emotionally honest relationships we’re after.
To find real-time romance, Rafe says you simply need to look past the “dating app filters and icks” and instead head into the real world.
So, while you all may wish to keep those apps in your back pocket, it seems the experts are saying it’s time to get out there. Guess I’ll be seeing you at a Crush Club soon.
