It’s time to spread our incredible positivity and endear ourselves further to fans of multiple Premier League clubs at once with an overrated XI.
For what it’s worth, the Cambridge dictionary definition of overrated is: ‘an adjective meaning that a person, place, or thing is considered to be better, more valuable, or more important than they actually are. It reflects a subjective opinion that public praise or popularity exceeds true quality.’
It’s tricky to explain why a player is overrated without being harsh, especially when it’s coming from a 30-something who hasn’t played above amateur level; so this feature is more about the actual XI than the justifications for the inclusions, which can’t be done without feeling and looking like a bit of a prick.
Anyway, here is our XI, including one Arsenal player.
GK: Emi Martinez (Chelsea)
We must admit, we viewed Martinez’s move to the Blues as a major coup and a significant upgrade on previous No. 1 Robert Sanchez, and while he is better than Sanchez, Martinez is not the same goalkeeper at club level as we see for Argentina.
He has been very error-prone for a while now and has already conceded a few suspect goals in a Chelsea shirt.
RB: Tino Livramento (Newcastle United)
Aaron Wan-Bissaka walked so Tino Livramento could run. Weirdly, those two are never likened to one another, but the similarities are there.
Livramento is pretty limited offensively but decent going the other way, and weirdly better on his weaker side, excelling as a left-back. As a right-back, we’re left wanting more and questioning why Manchester City and Arsenal have previously (reportedly) identified him as a £50million transfer target.
CB: Levi Colwill (Chelsea)
The Colwill hype has died down a little since his ACL injury last July, but we remain unconvinced that he’s as good as Chelsea supporters seem to believe.
There are things to like about his game, but there is still quite a lot to improve. His defensive awareness needs a lot of work, and he’s quite slow.
CB: Micky van de Ven (Tottenham)
Probably the most overrated player in the world, Van de Ven has blistering pace that frequently gets him out of jail; without that speed, he would be playing for Go Ahead Eagles.
The captain of this XI is also the captain of the biggest underperforming club in the Premier League, which is quite fitting.
Now, he isn’t the biggest reason Tottenham are so astonishingly terrible, but it might be time to stop looking at their team and saying, ‘You know, on paper…’ because the players clearly are not as good as everyone thinks they are. Van de Ven is the best example of this. Real Madrid? Get a grip.
That said, the higher the defensive line, the better for someone who isn’t an especially impressive defender or reader of the game, but who is ridiculously quick.
LB: Antonee Robinson (Fulham)
Left-back was the most difficult position by far. We’re still not convinced. The only reason Robinson is our pick is that he was underrated for ages and might be a little bit overrated now. Honestly, who the hell knows or cares anymore?
DM: Lucas Bergvall (Tottenham)
Bergvall is clearly a talented boy, but we have trouble identifying what kind of player he is. Is he a defensive midfielder, an attacking midfielder, or a box-to-box midfielder? Some would argue he is all three; more would argue he is none of the above. What are his best attributes? At the same time, we also don’t know what his worst attributes are.
While Bergvall is a tricky player to nail down to a specific profile, he has time on his side at only 20 years old.
DM: Adam Wharton (Crystal Palace)
Wharton is a very tidy player; that much is not up for debate, but people act like he is Toni Kroos. In reality, he can’t even get in the England squad. Not ahead of Alex Scott, Jordan Henderson or Eberechi Eze.
Another thing: he is constantly mooted as a potential big-money signing for Manchester United or Chelsea, among others, yet these clubs are always looking elsewhere. Maybe Wharton isn’t as good as everyone seems to think…
RW: Bukayo Saka (Arsenal)
This hurts. A lot.
We don’t want to say Saka is finished, but Mikel Arteta deserves to be put behind bars for what he has done to Arsenal’s Starboy. He has lost his pace, and his explosiveness with the ball at his feet is what gave him the edge over opposing full-backs.
It’s just very, very sad that such a special player has been run into the ground.
AM: Bruno Fernandes (Manchester United)
Fernandes was terrific under Michael Carrick in the second half of last season, and when things are going well, he can be unplayable, but when things go even just a little bit sour, he shows his true colours. He moans, his body language is shocking, and he becomes everything a captain should strive not to be. And he is captain of England’s biggest club.
Not only is Fernandes’ leadership up for debate, but when United are struggling, his style of play comes under heavy scrutiny. Often trying the glory of a Hollywood pass over the right option, we will see one come off every 15 attempts, and just like that, the guy is a bloody genius again. He must drive United fans round the bloody bend.
LW: Phil Foden (Manchester City)
Foden’s stock has dropped pretty significantly since his 2023/24 Player of the Season tilt, yet there are still some who think he is the answer to all of England’s problems. Let us tell you right now: he definitely isn’t.
Foden is rarely the City player who stands out and makes things right when things are going wrong, but when everything is hunky-dory, he is playing his best football. A little like Bruno, though Foden’s shortcomings seem to be ignored a lot more.
And, of course, we all know his record for England is rubbish. He has four goals in 49 games. Yet every time he is left out of the squad, you’d think it was Harry Kane being left at home.
ST: Brian Brobbey (Sunderland)
A tricky choice between Brobbey and Brentford’s Igor Thiago, but we just opted for the former. Thiago isn’t a glamorous player, but he scored 22 league goals last season and was barely mentioned as a potential big-money signing in the summer transfer window. That, coupled with needing a Sunderland player in here, gives Brobbey the edge. Even if he is a modern-day Barclaysman.
That Barclaysman in him does make Brobbey a fun player, but seven goals in the 2025/26 Premier League isn’t a great return. People just seem to ignore those numbers because he is strong and a bit of a throwback.
