My daughter and future daughter-in-law dress me funny. Only sometimes, of course. It’s just irresistible when we are shopping together for one of us to hold up something outlandish and say to the others, “So you!” This includes, but is not limited to, rhinestone bedazzled mu-mus, feather-edged pajamas and T-shirts depicting drunken dogs. The latter being surprisingly common. I had no idea so many bars had dog logos until I flipped through vintage T-shirt racks.
Keeping a well-honed closet is the secret to being well dressed. As a teenager, Girlwonder helped me make more progress decluttering clothing in one afternoon than I’d made in years. I’d been holding onto things that I couldn’t even zip up for YEARS. I had given up a career in the late 1990s to stay home all but part-time and raise children. My “career wear” went from daily wear to “once in a while if we had a township meeting.” Still, I held on to those 1990s-era outfits “just in case.”
The look on her face when I pulled out some of my treasured pieces was hysterical and drove me to put the item directly into a donation bag. “What is this?” I respect her opinion. To this day, she has a TON more awareness of what’s up to date and what would look silly in public. She is firm but kind in steering me to better choices. The fun we had was so much more valuable than a bunch of tired outfits from 2001. “Mom, it is not a chunky necklace and peplum top time. It is time to move on,” or “Some little kid is gonna have to dress up like a 100-year-old for the 100th day of school, and they’ll be so excited to get this sweater!” Ouch.
Blue jean styles have changed so often during my lifetime that I just gave up. I just keep one of everything in my closet now. Skinny jeans (as in skinny ankles, not any other body part), flares, straight, bootcut, mid-rise, high-rise and anything BUT low-rise. On those, I always plead the Fifth. I am not a size 0, and hip huggers are not my prophecy. I have heard that super low-rise jeans are coming back, but I like to think that this is just a terrible rumor. Have we not healed from that fashion insanity?
Since we enjoy shopping second-hand, I still get to revisit the styles of old. I like to hold up some particularly egregious examples of 1980s excess and wait for the girls to notice. What? They don’t like my linebacker-width shoulder pads? Can I at the very least get a waiver to wear them in vintage holiday sweaters? I cannot properly carol and dance to “All I want for Christmas is YOUUUUU” without some additional shoulder support. Looking back, I wonder why my clothing was so WIDE when I was at my smallest. I wore a size 6, yet late 1980s ladies’ office wear was LOAD-BEARING attire.
My “girls” are in their late 20s and have reached the point where even THEIR “youthful styles” are looking a little outdated. GirlWonder likes to dig out photos of herself from middle school and text them to me with plaintive captions such as “why???” As in, why did I let her out of the house with, say, slicked-down hair in a wide headband, soccer shorts and crazy patterned knee socks? It was the 2012 fashion among the pre-teen set. I’d like to see YOU try and stop you.
GirlWonder has long been a bona fide fashionista with a great sense of style. Accordingly, she has been instrumental in me not going out looking like a homeless person for at least a decade now.
Now that she’s an attorney, her wardrobe is vast. So many different career looks, plus her casual wear, business casual, “I’m just here to buy paint on weekends,” and various other looks. Still, as much as she leads the pack in fashion, a girl still needs her mama sometimes. I may not be able to talk her into business suits with bow collars and shoulder pads, but I did have the opportunity to explain how hosiery works.
When she prepared to graduate from law school a few years ago, it became clear she would be wearing a LOT more skirts. This was my time to shine! After years of bare-legged looks, I had to explain how pantyhose used to be sold in little plastic egg-shaped containers at grocery and drug stores. I picked up a new pair almost every week. She humored me, but I’m not entirely sure she believed me. I mean, would YOU take fashion advice from someone who once got dressed out of an egg?
